does this beard make me look fat?

i have not used a blade to shave my face since a friend of mind got married over labor day weekend. i do not like shaving. he is a good friend and i was part of the wedding, so i figured it was the right thing to do. i am not rocking a rip van winkle style, however; i do shave every now and then, just not with a blade. i use some electric clippers, which work just fine, but they are really for hair cutting, not beard cutting, so in order to be effective i have to get 4-5 days of stubble going before they will work. so that's what i do: i trim every 4-5 days. now that it's winter i am sporting a tasty beard--i ride my bike to work so the beard is like a natural balaclava. therefore, all the trimming i do is on my neck, but again, only every few days.

why do i bring this up? well, i'm going to explain. we get anonymously evaluated by our superiors and i occasionally read these in a effort to better myself. one such comment i read noted that my lack of daily shaving was slightly unprofessional. first of all, i wonder why this fellow couldn't just say something to me directly? actually, i think i know the answer, as i am fairly certain of the identity of the commenter as he used some phrasiology in his evaluation that he often used in person. the first possibility is that he was intimidated by the overpowering vibe of masculinity that i exude; opntion "b" is that he is a redneck, white-bread, chicken-shit motherfucker who doesn't understand or appreciate the value of diversity. it's probably some of both, but i don't think my personal opinions are the issue here.

what makes me so angry is not the comment itself--i've been called much worse--but the fact that this remark is filled with ignorant sanctimony. given the chance to reply, i would ask: "is your bad grammar unprofessional?" it is not proper to end a sentence with a preposition! "where have your blood sugars been at?" NO, NO, NO! nor is it correct to ask a patient if she feels "nauseous." this word is the equivalent of "poisonous." what this troglodyte wants to ask is "are you experiencing any nausea?" substituting "nauseous" in the preceding sentence would imply that the patient could somehow make those around her feel nauseated. i admit that the strength of this argument is somewhat obviated by the fact that many of these patients are dim bulbs themselves and don't know the difference, but my point is that my reviewer likely believe that there is some objective, higher standard to which we, as doctors, should adhere, even if patients are not aware of it.

further interlocution would find me asking if it professional of him to be wearing a dingy oxford-blue shirt with visible armpit stains, a poorly tied tie, and a white coat with a mustard stain on the lapel? not to mention the khakis he frequently wore that seem to never see the inside of a washing machine. further unprofessional transgressions included lapsing into some kind of homeboy/ghetto dialect when speaking to black or hispanic people, constantly saying "fustrating," and walking into a meeting with a family while eating a donut. despite all this, my less-than-frequent shaving raised his ire. in my opinion, this man has somewhat spurious--or at least incomplete--notions of the meaning of "unprofessional." i would prefer a ruggedly handsome, stubble-ridden doctor, to one with poor grammar and a dirty shirt.

some decidedly un-professional facial hair:


i do not look like any of these folks.